Week 9

I feel a little "virus-y" this week. At first I am not concerned, as I tend to feel like that at the beginning of all my pregnancies. When I was 7 weeks pregnant with Sybella I could hardly get off the couch. Same with Jack.
The feeling stays for longer than I'd like, so I head to my GP (not The Boss) to make sure it is nothing nasty. I am super sensitive to anything going wrong and just want the all clear.
At my visit, she is quite sure I just have a low grade virus, being the beginning of Winter, everything is going around. Because I am super anxious, she orders a TORCH blood test. This tests for all viruses that are problematic in pregnancy. TORCH stands for TOxoplasmosis, Rubella, Cytomegalovirus (CMV) and Herpes Simplex.
I have my test and go on my way. The following day, my GP rings. "It's all good news," she says. "All the tests were fine. But your CMV test came back as equivocal."
The blood drains from my face and my heart starts pounding. Equivocal means "low positive"...not enough to be a true positive, but it cant be called a true negative either. My GP is talking on the phone about how the result could be because my antibodies to previous infectton are so high, it is cross-reacting with the current virus antibodies, showing a low positive result. Blah blah blah. I dont hear any of that. She asks me to return for a repeat test in two weeks. CMV causes similar defects in a foetus as Rubella. Brain damage, blindness and deafness, to name a few. CMV affects babies the most in the first trimester. I am 9 weeks pregnant.
I research and research. I find out that I have had CMV in the past, based on tests done on me after Sybella's death. When your body contracts a virus, such as Measles or Chicken Pox, it makes two types of antibodies. IgM antibodies indicate that the virus is new and current. Once you are better and the virus has left your body, your body makes IgG antibodies, that indicates you have had the virus before and you are now immune. This is why you cant catch Chicken Pox or any of the other nasties twice. That is also why doctors and midwives check your immunity to Rubella...if your IgG antibodies are high, it indiccates high immunity and so you dont need to worry about re-infection.
My CMV blood test showed that I had high IgG antibodies, indicating past infection and high immnity, but it also showed equivocal IgM antibodies, meaning that I may or may not have the virus at present. So, since I have had CMV previously, why am I getting it again? Unfortunately, with CMV it is possible to have a reactivation of the virus. Although the effect on the foetus is much less significant, there is still a high possibility of complications even with a secondary infection. So if I have it, it is secondary, so perhaps I can worry less.
Yeah right.
I end up visiting The Boss, telling him in between sobs, what has happened. I think he thinks I am a lunatic. He certainly looks at me like I am! The next ten minutes are a flurry of phone calls. He calls his friend, an excellent infectious diseases specialist. He orders a CMV antibody avidity titres test (or something like that...some test with high specificity and sensitivity) that will get sent to his friend, the specialist, to interpret. He gives me the number of an expert in Congential CMV (CMV that is contracted in pregnancy) to call and talk to.
I have my blood test, and go home to lose a week on Google.
Seriously. I become despondent, depressed and uncommunicative. Kelvin doesnt know what to do with me. I spend every free minute "researching" the effects of secondary CMV on a foetus in the first trimester. I have trouble leaving the house. I cannot believe I have been thrown this curve ball after all I have already gone through. There is a very real possibility that I will have a child with serious difficulties. My second child is dead, and my third might have terrible defects, or even die too.
I have convinced myself that I have the virus. It doesnt even occur to me that I never had a "true postive" in the first place. The first test was only equivocal. All that means is that "we are not willing to call this negative. Please retest." In my head, though, if I were negative, nothing would show up. Since a little of something did, it must mean I have it.
This week feels like a year. I jump whenever the phone rings...The Boss told me that the MINUTE he gets a result he will call me.
The time comes for my next appointment and I havent yet had a phone call with results. I assume he hasnt got them yet and so dont expect to get the results today either.
When I take a seat in his office, The Boss says to me "well, that was good, wasnt it?" My quizzical look must confuse him. "The results. No CMV detected." I realise I have been (emotionally) holding my breath for a whole week. When I let it out, at that very moment, it feels so good. Better than good. The relief is unbelieveable. Then The Boss realises this is the first I had heard of the results...I'd never got the phone call. But honestly, I dont care. I am just so glad to be CMV-Free! My baby is healthy, I can look forward to the rest of my pregnancy and forget about the CMV.
I have since found out that many things cause equivocal blood test results. Room temperature, storage conditions, transit conditions, inexperienced interpreters...the list goes on. I just happened to be one of the unlucky ones who got a false result.
Okay, another hurdle crossed. I begin to wonder what will be next.

See Baby This Week