Week 13

I cant believe that we reached the "safe zone" and I have started to bleed. It is scary blood too...bright red and lots of it. Even some large-ish clots. My brain tells me that the baby must be fine...what on Earth could have happened within 24 hours that would cause a miscarriage...after all was so great at the ultrasound?
Maybe I shouldnt answer that...after all, Sybella showed no signs of distress or problems at all. She just stopped living. And we still dont have an answer for that.
All the same, I call The Boss and tell him what is going on. I have the perception that he isnt comfortable around teary women, so I bite my lip as I speak to him, but the waver in my voice is still completely obvious. Basically, he says that he doesnt necessarily (I hate that word) think it is bad news and even if it is, nothing can be done anyway. He says it kindly and with sympathy. I understand what he means...at 13 weeks, if a foetus is going to die, not much can be done to stop a miscarriage. Logistically, I know this to be true. Even driving down for a scan wont help anything. It will give me reassurance for an hour, thats it. I have two things in my favour: a healthy, normal ultrasound less than 24 hours ago, and an absence of any pain. The Boss asks me to call the next day to tell him what the bleeding is doing.
By the time I make the call the next day, the bleeding has lessened and has turned brown. That is a good sign. It means it has become less oxygenated and the acute reason for the bleeding is now finished. Even though it has only been 2 days since my last scan, I drive to see The Boss anyway, just to check. Baby is fine and good. That helps for the time being.

In the mean time, I start to worry about how much caffeine I am consuming. I know Mothersafe says that the equivalent of 6 cups of cola is the maximum. I wouldnt drink that much, I am sure. On average, I have 2-3 cups of tea a day, 2 glasses of Coke...maybe 3 if I have bad nausea. See, the tea helps my headaches I get once a week and the Coke settles my stomach. It probably isnt the healthiest habit around, and I should probably think about cutting back..but what is worse do you think? (This is a genuine question so feel free to answer in a comment!)...a cup of tea to help a headache or 2 panadol tablets? A glass of Coke to settle morning sickness or anti-nausea tablets? Then, it's the age old issue. I drank NO tea with Sybella, but probably the same amount of Coke...and she died. I drank NO Coke with Jack and 3 cups of tea a day, and he's great. He can write his own name and he's only 4!
Any advice or wisdom regarding caffeine in pregnancy is welcome!

The rest of the week passes uneventfully. The bleeding continues, albeit slowly and intermittently. I begin to become obsessed wth food. I have fleeting cravings and I HAVE to eat  that food RIGHT NOW! Mostly I want salty stuff. I buy a box of frozen dim sims from Coles and cook them up. I fill a cereal bowl with soy sauce and float the dim sims in the sauce like soup! I have this idea in my mind about a recipe involving raw pickled cabbage and some sort of Vietnamese dipping sauce. I cant figure out what exactly what it is...but I cant stop thinking about it! I was sure this baby is a boy, but now I start to wonder. I never craved food with Jack...I had a normal appetite. But with Sybella and this baby, I WANT something and I WANT IT NOW! 
It's actually quite a disconcerting feeling! You know, along with the constant fear and anxiety that a stillbirth mother experiences in a subsequent pregnancy... ;o)

See Baby This Week