Week 21

Why is there so much poo in my life?

As Sybella's pregnancy progressed, I became more and more anxious. As Rainbow Baby's pregnancy progresses, I become more confident. It is a slow moving confidence, and is interspersed with hysterical fears that have "normal" people rolling thier eyes. Fear provoked by incidents such as Jack getting dog crap all over his shoes and me going to great lengths to avoid "contamination." These compulsive actions include washing the shoes (or even throwing them out), showering me and Jack, mopping the floor in case any was tracked in the house...etc etc. These actions are odd. I am aware of that. Maybe even the parent of a stillborn baby who is engaged in a subsequent pregnancy will think these actions are beyond the boundaries of normal. I dont know. Everyone has their limits, and anxiety will push you beyond those limits if you let it. I just feel such an innate sense of responsibility towards this baby, its health and its safety. I will do anything to keep it safe. The responsibilty is almost a burden (for want of a better word) and so restrictive. Imagine if I lost this baby too? What is the saying? To lose one is bad luck, to lose two is careless. The world is a frightening place for a parent, especially one who has lost a child, when you take all the threats into account.
Animal poo seems to be a reccurring theme in my life. I dont even have a pet! But I cant escape it. If it isnt dog crap on Jack's shoes, then it is bird stuff all over the back pavers. Or cat stuff in the flower beds (which I go NOWHERE NEAR). Or snail shit in the letterbox. So much snail shit that it gets smeared all over my mail, especially when it rains. I ended up getting the mail with gloves on, and eventually had to get Kelvin to hose it out. Pellets dont seem to repel the snails, but after shaking half a kilo of salt in there, I seem to have found my repellant. They havent come back, but my mail is covered in salt. Better than snail faeces, anyway. Who knows what the postman thinks? Nutters in Number 4, that's for sure.

At the end of my 21st week, I was on my way home from The Boss. It was pouring rain and traffic was heavy. As I waited to turn left onto the highway, inching forward in a queue of cars, I turned around to check Jack as he had fallen asleep. And ran right up the back of the person in front. Huh.
It was such a tiny bump that neither car had any damage. Not even a paint scratch. But I got such a massive fright that my weekend was full of anxiety. I am sure that the worst that had happened was that Rainbow Baby was sloshed around a bit more than usual in the amniotic fluid, but I did get a bit worried about the seatbelt cutting into my lower abdomen. As it transpired, nothing came of my "car accident." The Boss, after ringing him, assured me that unless I had pain or bleeding, then all would be fine. But I had visions of an unknown placental abruption and other horrific scenarios.

Perhaps you are asking where is this "confidence" that I spoke about at the beginning of this post? Truthfully...I dont even know why I wrote that in the first place!!! Confidence, Shcmonfidence. Who am I kidding?

See Baby This Week